so I met my (now ex) boyfriend when I was 14 on the first day of freshman year and immediately I knew he was the one… so we dated for about 6 months but his mom wasn’t really fond of me so we weren’t allowed to see each other outside of school so that kinda made it really hard and he ended things… a week later he had a new girlfriend and they were already having sex, which is something he told me that he treasured and wanted to keep important. but with me still being a immature 14 year old girl that was still head over heels for the guy that broke my heart I kept in contact with him and within two months him and his new girlfriend were having issues and he was coming to me because he “missed” me…. and I stupidly fell for it because I craved any attention I got from him.. two weeks later we were basically dating again but it was summer now and we were having trouble seeing each other so once again he gave up on me and our relationship. things continued like this from the summer after freshman year up through beginning of junior year, where we would talk and tell each other we loved each other and hold hands and kiss but his mom still didn’t like me and wouldn’t let him date me…(call me an idiot I know I should of gave it up after he found a new girl the first time…) then junior year began and once again he was calling me and texting me, telling me how sorry he was for all the things he had put me through and that he wished he could take it all back because he didn’t know anything about love then and he was immature but this time was different (classic I know…) so again stupidly I gave him a chance, except this time he seemed like he meant it, he fought for his mom to like me and accept me again and a few weeks later I was coming over to his house and his mom was loving me, like I was her favorite person. it was awesome, our relationship was great, he was treating me like a queen and he was my everything, like it really seemed like we were meant for each other. we talked about getting married and having kids, we even collaboratively came up with the kids names.. things went on like this for a year and six months… but then for the last month things started to seem weird, I was the only one trying to see him, putting effort into the relationship while he just got the benefits of it…but he would still write me 1 page or more letters saying how much he loved me and how much I meant to him and that he never wanted to imagine his life without me and he couldn’t wait to get married and live our lives together and he would never give up on me or us.. and for my birthday on august 2nd he made this homemade dinner and bought me all kinds of things that were little but I had mentioned that I wanted.. it was great… then yesterday all of a sudden and out of the blue he tells me that “he doesn’t feel the same way anymore” about me and that he wasn’t in love with me anymore and hadn’t been for a while… but less than a week ago he was having sex with me and telling me how much he loved me and he couldn’t ever go a day without talking to me… now hes saying that he knew a while ago that he was done with our relationship he was just sticking it out to see if it could change… so he had known all this time that he wasn’t in love with me and he didn’t want this relationship anymore but he never once mentioned it to me, and he was telling my mom a few days ago that “he was going to take care” of me and “he never wanted to lose” me…. he was still telling me he loved me and that I was his everything and he was still having sex with me (which is a huge thing for me because hes really my only and I told him I only do that with him because I trust him and I know hes my everything and my future)…. so now im left with nothing, I gave up everything for him, all my friends for him because he didn’t like them and wasn’t comfortable (he was basically really insecure and thought someone was going to take me away if I was friends with them) and I gave up high school for him because I just wanted to be with him… and now his fine, moving on with his life and his friends (which he got to keep because he viewed them as “appropriate”) because he had nothing to lose because he hasnt been in love with me for a while and im the one left feeling used and lost with no where to turn because I was being fooled into thinking he was my forever (I had no reason not to believe him this time, he was treating me like he truly meant it) and now I really feel as if I have nothing left in my life, nothing left for me, nothing going for me, nothing worth trying for any more…. and hes fine, moving on and im stuck… where do I go from here, I have nothing…
I’ve heard different answers regarding that topic, so I’ll share what I know.
Men seem to rebound quickly because they don’t want to deal with their feelings, so they quickly find someone to fill the void. Only, it doesn’t really fill a void, but acts more like a distraction. It’s a guy’s way of dealing with loss, so to speak.
They don’t always find quick relationships, though they’d like to think it is. Men are in denial and subconsciously using “the other woman” as a means of healing from the past relationship.
Rebound relationships are not real relationships and very seldom do they ever turn into the real thing.
And whether or not you meant anything to the ex, you will find out with time.
This is usually when he either attempts to reach out, or purposely tries to make you mad.
Thing is, you’ll know if you meant something or not, but it also depends on the type of guy you were with, and what kind of break up you had.
But if a guy is on the rebound already, then you know he is looking for a quick way to fill an empty void. Like I said, the chances of a relationship happening that fast are pretty slim. That is, unless the other woman was already in the picture before the break up. For all you know, he could’ve left you for her, and while that hurts and makes you angry. You should be glad that she took him off your hands. Because that’s a sign that he doesn’t know how to remain loyal to his girlfriend, and the other woman will also find this out one day.
Hope this helps, anymore questions just feel free to ask.
when people chose a person over you and then when they have no one else they come running back to you. no, fuck you. fuck you for not being there for me when I needed you. fuck you for never making an effort to see me because you had someone else
Whether your ex boyfriend is an asshole or not, here are some helpful tips for surviving your breakup.
#1. You will get through it! - Hard to imagine, right? But it’s the truth. No matter how long you two were together, or how much it hurts.
#2. You will find someone better. - Something else that’s not easy to see or believe, until it happens. But you have to remember, if your ex boyfriend had loved you the same from the start, you two wouldn’t have broken up.
#3. Don’t let the ex crawl back. - Not sure how often it happens, but it does. And it’s usually after the ex boyfriend finds out that the grass isn’t always greener, or that the grass had crabs. Don’t give in! Kick him to the curb. You’ve got to take the power away from your ex, not give it to him!
#4. Spend time on YOU. - That’s right, get a makeover, spend time with friends, family, pets. Whatever makes you feel good. Do it, and do it for yourself, NOT to please anyone else or your ex. Remember #3, kick him to the curb.
#5. Give yourself time. - Take the time to heal before jumping back into the dating game. Rushing into relationships often ends in disaster, because you never had the time to get over your pain and loss, so what happens? Those feelings show up in your next relationship, and cause a lot of conflict. I mean, could you fall in love with someone while still fixated on your loss? Probably not. So give yourself time to heal!
#6. You need closure. - Sometimes ex boyfriends won’t give you closure, whether it’s just to be an asshole, or keep you as a “safety net”, so you’ve got to get it yourself. And how is this done? Through writing a letter of course. That’s only if you feel like writing a letter, but remember that you don’t have to send it. You can write it simply just to vent and get all your feelings out. You can send it, but only if you’re over the ex and can live with getting no response in return.
#7. Avoid past mistakes. - Remember what it was that made you fall for your ex? Well, try to avoid those same patterns when you do meet someone new. Try to meet someone who in no shape or form, reminds you of the ex. I mean, does anyone want to be told they remind their significant other of the ex? I don’t think so. And also be sure to remember what patterns it was you saw in your ex. Were they emotionally unavailable? Didn’t give as much as you did? These are red flags to watch out for. Or else, you may find yourself with another ex sooner than you think.
#8. Avoid negative coping. - This means doing drugs, drinking alcohol, sleeping with strangers, to numb the pain. It won’t make you feel better. So make sure you do positive things that will make you feel more stronger as a person. You will survive, don’t fall victim to substances. Seek therapy if you need to.
#9. Get rid of reminders. In order to rid yourself of the painful experience, you need to rid your room or house of everything that reminds you of the ex. At this point, you probably don’t want to see anything of theirs, so it would be in your best interest to either have them come and get it, throw it out, or sell it. Just get rid of it. Triggering painful memories can be a major road block when it comes to recovery.
#10. This is the most important tip of all. - Do not, under any circumstance, stalk your ex. Leave them alone. Remember, they didn’t love you, and if you start showing up wherever they are, it’s not going to end well. And if they happen to be with another woman, it’s only going to hurt you more. Avoid places they like to go, find new places for yourself to avoid running into them. If you have mutual friends, make sure you don’t all hang out together, or get new friends. Sometimes friends pick sides, and sometimes it won’t be yours. Stick with supportive friends who will be there for you when you need them.
In times of crisis, call hotlines and talk to someone. Don’t think about suicide, your ex boyfriend is not worth ending your life over. By giving in to those feelings, you’re giving him power over you. You’re stronger than that, and you will survive. You’ll find someone better and the ex will be nothing but a distant memory.
Remember these tips and you’ll do fine.
Pass them on to a struggling friend if you must <3